Meeting and Parting, Coming and going.

As I went down the hill along the wall
There was a gate I had leaned at for the view
And had just turned from when I first saw you
As you came up the hill. We met. But all
We did that day was mingle great and small
Footprints in summer dust as if we drew
The figure of our being less that two
But more than one as yet. Your parasol
Pointed the decimal off with one deep thrust.
And all the time we talked you seemed to see
Something down there to smile at in the dust.
(Oh, it was without prejudice to me!)
Afterward I went past what you had passed
Before we met and you what I had passed.¹

For the first time ever, the current path of my life has never been more clear to me. I would say "nor has it ever been so scary", but that's not true. I know what I need to do right now, and no matter how it turns out, I will have to go from there. For now, just being able to focus on the present is wonderful since I've always had the tendency to be thinking about how the present will be affecting me years from now, thus adding unnecessary stress to whatever situation with which I might be dealing.

I remember last year I had already damned myself to a career path that I knew I wasn't going to enjoy, yet had not the knowledge nor the courage to change it. If I had continued on that path, I would have graduated with a degree in that field and continued life being a miserable mess. It is amazing how much my life has changed in a year, and even more amazing how much it has changed within the last four years. I've done things that I would have never have done before, made incredibly close bonds with people, learned how to get through tough situations and stand on my own two feet. I've learned how to not let people push me around, and I've learned what it means to have people truly care about you. I may not have become especially good or the best at any one subject, but I've really learned a lot and can definitely say that these past few years have been a truly enriching experience in my development as an individual.

That being said, a lot of people might not like who I am now because I'm not at all likely to sugarcoat things or protect anyone's feelings. But, I think that if the truth is too hard to handle, you should do something about it to make reality more pleasant. Truth doesn't always have to retain the same value, and there are numerous ways of fixing things.

Anyway, I'm excited that I'm going to be going to Japan after all. I am scared and worried about it, but I'm sure I'll be fine once all of my questions are answered. I won't actually believe it until I get off the plane, and then I will ask myself "how did a girl from Italy Valley end up all the way on the other side of the Earth?"

And I will know the credit belongs to nobody but me. I know it's kind of egotistical to say something like that, but what a great feeling!

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¹Robert Frost, Meeting and Passing